Reiki for the Soul: The Eleventh Doorway – Excerpt

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Radical Change

In 1978 M. Scott Peck wrote in The Road Less Traveled “Life is difficult. It’s difficult, because it poses an endless series of problems, which is not a bad thing. It is our tendency to avoid problems and pain that creates more difficulties. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom,” he wrote. “It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.” If this statement is true, then facing all your problems at once must provide a tremendous opportunity for growth.

It is October 18, 2005 — the second anniversary of my heart attack. What a thing to celebrate or mark! Yet that event was the beginning of a new journey and an ending of an old way of life. How little did I know two years ago how profoundly my heart problems would affect all levels of my being! How this life event would challenge every “doorway to inner peace” I have written about, and certainly have experienced working through. In fact, because of this I also discovered there is still another doorway, and it is called Radical Change. Just when I thought I had life all figured out “someone” added another doorway. Can there be more? I have a feeling there is, and part of this journey is surrendering into all the doorways life gives me.

Radical Change occurs when things are happening at such a pace on so many levels that we are living or at least surviving on OVERWHELM MODE. We are the one who is drowning — with no life preserver in sight! When we are so overwhelmed that we are also cut off from the source, we get so busy trying to survive that we no longer hear the messages life continues to bring, or even recognize the message bringers. I found from this experience of radical change that I was challenged to feel in my body and relive in my mind all my belief structures — and all at the same time! They say when we die we have a life review. What we haven’t been told is that there may be many times in our life Creator gives us opportunity to have a life review. When the heat is turned up and there is no escape from doing the work, we must make course corrections if we are to not only survive, but move on well. Sometimes it takes a breakdown of all we know to bring us to that point. In my case this was certainly true.

William Rand of The Reiki News asked me to write an article about my experiences after my heart attack. He asked me specifically what I have realized since my heart problem made itself known. It was a challenge and another opportunity to see how much I had integrated. This is an excerpt from the article I wrote:

Just about a year ago now, while visiting a friend in England , I suffered a heart attack (myocardial infarction.) The symptoms were NOT, to my way of thinking at the time, “classic”; no pain shooting down an arm, no passing out, not like the movies at all- just the very uncomfortable feeling that an Elephant was sitting on my chest. I assumed that heart attacks were sudden and intense; a person gasps, clutches his chest and falls to the ground. But the symptoms in women often are far more subtle, and we have different warning signs, as I now know, and these signs often are not pain-related.

The Mayo Clinic recently revealed that, “More than 70 percent of (women) surveyed reported feeling unusual fatigue.” Other symptoms in women include sleep disturbance, shortness of breath, indigestion, coughing, weakness, and anxiety.

Of course, a whirlwind of travel and teaching had preceded this trip to England , so the heaviness could just be that, and, oh yes, those caustic fumes I inhaled just the night before. It must be slight respiratory distress and the fatigue to “It all” catching up with me, I reasoned.

From the beginning, even Reiki seemed only to relieve the heaviness temporarily. There was no comfort to be found. By evening, the symptoms had increased. Wet with sweat, that night I could not sleep a wink. By morning the hospital emergency room looked welcoming to me, if “only” to get a shot to stop being so sick to my stomach, but the doctors had other ideas. It was the cardiac intensive care unit for me, where, sedated and hooked up to numerous machines, I slept blissfully for most of the next three days. And during this time, Reiki practitioners from all over the world wrapped me in the loving arms of Reiki and I surrendered to the process and began to heal. This Reiki and love was overwhelming and the key to my understanding at last. But, I am getting ahead in the story…

Since 1980 when Reiki entered into my life, classical medicine had not part of my living experience. A ripped meniscus in my knee had hospitalized me, but only for two days, but other than an occasional cold, I was as healthy as could be. Don’t get me wrong.  God made doctors, too, and in the Reiki practice, we have and DO work side by side by side. It’s just that. I had not been sick, thanks to Reiki!  I HAD however stated that it would be great to have six weeks to six months minus the pressure of work to devote some thought to my life’s plan.  And so with this heart event, the old axiom “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!” came true. Luckily, I found myself in hospital in England , as opposed to France or Greece from whose shores I had recently returned, and could speak and understand the doctors and staff!

And six weeks later, with plenty of time resting in the recovery process, and much thinking, too questions emerged that made sense to ask. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU? Did I not love myself? Did I love others “too much”? And then, “How can I take time for me when there is so much work to do for those I teach?” Answers arrived.  And a lot of self-talk such as: I am needed! But this hard-working self-forgetting “worker bee” can be understood based on her life events, yep, there I go placing the blame right back in the past again. I could even look at a past life to be the actual reason why this is happening to me now; especially when I have not given myself permission to feel or process my life events. I am compassionate, loving for the world, but has the world stopped short of loving me?

This is a question I have allowed to work in me over the months since my attack. Answers surface. I ask, “WHAT WOULD MAKE THIS SO?”  I watch how when I do this, I then dive deeper for an answer and something else will surface. I have been waiting to meet the bottom, to get that “gem”- the answer that will free me and still my mind and heart.